The X in X-mas

This year is the first year I am actually celebrating Christmas as a goddamn adult. Sure, I was 21 last year, and technically I could have been doing what I wanted since I was 18. 2011 is the year I actually take charge and celebrate whatever the hell I feel like celebrating.

So far, I have celebrated watching Christmas cable movies and not indulging in sweets. My body is a machine, and it functions on portion control and romantic comedies where girls ask Santa for a boyfriend. Possibly my favorite movie so far was a little Hallmark gem called The Case for Christmas, in which Dean Cain (!) is a lawyer who represents Santa in court because Santa is being sued (!!). I want to meet the person who sat down to actually write that script and had the balls to turn it into a movie.

I downloaded A Very She & Him Christmas and Michael Buble's album. Which, let me tell you something, Michael Buble is obviously not trying very hard on this one. It's like someone said, "hey, you know you could make a shit-ton of money if you recorded a Christmas mix" and 20 minutes in the studio later, an iTunes #1 album was born (seriously, it's #1 while Black Keys is #2. A TRAVESTY). I listen to these on repeat. Boyfriend won't allow Christmas music in the car because it's all he hears at work. When I'm driving by myself, my car is a frickin' Christmas wonderland.

Bigger than my Dean Cain Christmas and faux-joy Buble, this is my first Christmas after coming to terms with whatever my beliefs are. I may not see Christmas for what it's supposed to be about, so I'm trying to appreciate the spirit of it. Or whatever. I had an astounding summer in which I looked deep within myself and tried to figure out just what I believe in , and let me tell you Christmas after that is hard.

So to everyone, I wish you a merry Christmas, a happy holiday, and I hope you enjoy my agnostic cupcakes when I get around to baking them.