A Real Person!

I'm in the process of becoming a real boy. Trying to be more honest with myself and those around me is foreign territory. Cut the strings and dance by myself. It's been a long process, and a never-ending process if you really think about it. We all have to work on ourselves every day.

Actually, maybe I don't have to. The doctor today was, dare I say, surprised with how awesome all my levels were. She said I have one of the best cholesterol numbers she's ever seen. I don't know what any of this science mumbo jumbo means. I just heard, "Wow, everything looks really good." (Wait...was she hitting on me? "You've got really nice levels.") Basically, I'm a perfect human specimen and you should all start to worship me.

Back to my main focus of this blog, I'm closer to being a real emotional person. All through my formative years, I was never a hugger, never a feeling-expressor, always a joke-cracker. We don't really express emotions in my immediate family so this whole "cutting the strings" thing is new to me.

I'm two for two this week! Two examples of me saying, "Hey, that hurt my feelings. Just wanted to let you know."

Example 1: I'm a bridesmaid in a friend's upcoming wedding. I had it in the back of my mind that she wanted to go to Vegas for her bachelorette party. I knew her maid of honor was putting that together so I waited for an email to come with details. An email never did come, but Facebook posts started to show up on my feed. Vegas? Already? Wait...I'm in Salt Lake. Not invited?

Typically, I don't get butthurt about anything. Seeing these girls post from Vegas made me revert to Captain Hammer after being hit with Death Ray shrapnel, "I think this is what pain feels like!" I stewed on it for a few days. I learned a lesson that I shouldn't repress anything, to let people know that their actions triggered hurt feelings in me. I decided to let my friend know that, while I understood it was a sorority sister thing, I still would have liked a heads up about their plans. I actually may have seriously stammered through texts, but it was enough for me. I expressed something.

Example 2: Boyfriend got a new job, and I'm so happy for him. He loves it. It's all he can talk about. Seriously. It got to a point where he would call me after work and tell me about his day, which I'm happy to hear, but suddenly it would switch to "ok goodnight!"

Wait, I had a day too. Hell, I got a tetanus shot! I got a pedicure! She painted a flower on my big toe!

So, I told him how I felt. It was all very girly and, "I want you to want to do the dishes!" and yucky. I didn't care if he apologized or not. I got my feelings out there and that's what I cared about. I got words out of my mouth and they reflected my insides.

Gross, this is all weird stuff. I feel lighter though. Better than biting my tongue and wondering why people can't read my mind.

But I can read yours. Because I am a perfect human specimen. I am that guy at the beginning of Prometheus. Don't let my flab fool you.