SCHOOL IS HARD.

This isn't my first time taking Math 1010. It's not my second time. I literally don't even know how many times I've attempted this course.

It feels impossible. I can't grasp it. I feel embarrassed when I sit in class and I feel like everyone else is getting it and I'm not.

Today I was reassured when everyone around me was groaning, confused and frustrated. Yessss!

Hopefully I pass this time, God dammit.

Hello, Sweetie! Podcast Episode 33

Hey, I happened to make a very special appearance on this week's Hello, Sweetie! Podcast. I get nerdy all up in yo' business.

LISTEN HERE

Lazy Asshole Approach To Fitness

(Language. You've been warned.)

I have a weird style of working out. I will go for a week, then I decide that the one week was enough for two weeks, then I stop going. Rinse, repeat. Not really "rinse" repeat, I shower daily. Just kidding, I don't shower daily.

I also have a weird style of skating. I call it the "lazy asshole" approach to roller derby. I will come to practice, I will participate, but I don't push myself. The only time I push myself is when I'm jamming and I have to tell myself, "it's only two minutes of hardcore cardio, just two minutes." Then I get tired mid-jam and I have to mentally tell myself, "BUFFY WOULDN'T QUIT MID-JAM!" 

Basically, what I'm trying to say is I lack discipline.

Sometimes, I pretend I'm a superhero in training. I do this when I'm working out or when I'm skating. I want so badly to stop halfway through whatever I'm doing but I have to tell myself that I can't save the city if I can't finish a 30 minute elliptical workout. Can I fight crime on skates? That would be so much easier than running. However, how do I expect to stop alien invaders if I don't want to practice endurance skating? 

But I'm not a superhero. I'm just a girl who wants so badly to fit into spandex and look good wearing it. I want to kick ass for hours. 

I recently started reading comic books to help satiate my superhuman desires. Currently I'm reading Civil War. I've got a thing for Captain America (I'll get into it later) and while reading Civil War: New Avengers I was introduced to Luke Cage and Jessica Jones. Boyfriend was like, "Read Alias when you finish New Avengers." 

So, I read Alias and fell in love with Jessica Jones, the girl who uses the lazy asshole approach to crime fighting.  OK, she's not a lazy asshole. She actually gets shit done as a private investigator. But I found myself relating to her. She has so much potential to do more and she knows it. But she doesn't. She focuses her energies into private investigation. The powers get utilized when necessary, but other than that? It's not her thing.

I'm still trying to sort through it. I have potential to do more. I know I can go farther as a derby girl. It is my thing. Why don't I work harder at practice? I don't want to be a lazy asshole. I want to push myself and do what makes me happy. Reverse Jessica Jones. I have untapped power, let's fuck shit up.