Filter This

My brain might be broken. I think it's been this way since I was a child.

I called my store's other location today and heard, "speak of the devil," in the background.

"Are you guys talking about me?"

"Yes."

"Why? What could you possibly have to say about me?"

"We're just talking about how sometimes you don't have a filter," she half laughed into the phone.

"What? F*** you, I do too have a filter!" I yelled, clearly making their case.

Another perfect example of this is the racist-comment incident of 2006. It was my junior year of high school and I was taking a psychology class. My mom was going off one day about the "brown out", a day when all the Hispanics in the area were going on strike, so no one would be working in the kitchen at her restaurant. We were discussing the strike in class, and the teacher asked us a question about what they were calling the strike.

"Oh, you mean the brown out?" I blurted.

"Uh. Yeah," he responded, uncomfortable. I began to shrink in my chair, humiliated. It was only in this moment that I realized how racist this comment actually was. I still cringe when I tell this story.

Other instances that prove I'm a little bit special:
-I named our black cat Whitey.
-I named our white cat Tiger (I was into golf apparently?).
-I did theater in high school.
-I confused Simba with Johnathan Taylor Thomas and told people I had a "literal" crush on Simba.
-I used to chant, "TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT WHO DO WE ILLUMINATE?"
-Take Ring Around the Rosy and replace "we all fall down," with "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW." I thought I was a lyrical genius. I also thought the word "dance" was "down," so, you know, you can see where I thought it was appropriate.