A Few Differences

A Few Differences is a song by the band Athlete. It's also the title I gave to a one act play I wrote in high school.

It's happening again. My past has returned to haunt me.

Not that it's entirely a bad thing. Sometimes I need the reminder, "this is what shaped you into what you are today. These are the people who guided you into being you." It sucks, because I want to forget about some parts of my history so badly.

Why, though? It wasn't even awful. Remembering things makes me ache. I don't understand why I wish I could forget about everything. I have to be reminded. I need to remember those who were my friends. I have to remember that I was kind of a bitch and left people behind and I should suffer the consequences of remembering.

I wish I wouldn't have dreams about my exes. Not exes, just ex I guess. I wish I wouldn't have panic attacks when I think about the possibility of running into an ex or an old friend. I wish I would have behaved differently.

But I'm too stubborn to change anything about it now. Instead I'll continue trying to focus on the present, because that's all I have.